May or may not have been inspired by william stafford >,,>

Today, I heard this:
"My water gun is bigger than all your water guns."
-Fireman to group of children ogling the firetruck. Truly awesome.

What are some strange things you've heard recently?

Revival!

If you take the R from friend, you get fiend.

Also "is he...leaking from somewhere?"
"Yep. All down your pants."
"Shit!" <-- was actually mucus which is much better

Sent from my DROID3 using proboards

"I saw a chameleon today. So... I guess he wasn't a very good chameleon." - Radio Commercial

"According to the producers, this play will appeal to a wide audience due to the very strong message at its core. It contains strong language, scenes of a sexual nature and nudity." - Email

"Pinterest; it's like fantasy football for girls." - The local news channel.

"Blind taste tests are stupid because they taste nothing like blind people." - Radio Commercial

"I can always tell when they don't use real dinosaurs in a movie." - Radio Commercial

"Oh, cinnamon scented Ponderosa pinecones!" - guy at grocery store

Sent from my DROID3 using proboards

"Just gonna spend four days getting fat in my room." "Good a time as any to work on push-ups I guess." - Overheard conversation while rushing to gather foodstuffs for the exercise.

Quote from a man on his second marriage at a party I attended Saturday.

"Ah yes, they say variety is the spice of life. Thought I would enjoy that, but it didn't work out too well for me. See, I thought 'spice' was the plural of spouse."

"No, we're all out of boy toys. We've only got girls left."
- someone at work.

"Oh, the sun came out just wonderfully!"
"Just like it's summer."
*old lady chuckling*

-- Two old ladies I passed while walking to the library.

"When you're hungry, the Food Network is like porn." - Jim Gaffigan

"I don't wear thongs. Not on my feet not on my butt." - the doctor I work with

Sent from my DROID3 using proboards

"'Get you wet?
"'Raincoat?'
"At least he practices safe song." -- My mother.

Shortly followed by:

"The beibs!"

"...did he just say, the biebs?"

And then, it gets better:
*announcement of best male pop vocalist* gaaahnooooo *tv cuts out* haha, even the TV disagrees!

sent from my notsosmartphone

"I like how I can be across the street, dry, when its raining pretty hard. Then when I like, step outside to come back, its a TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR.Then I step inside, and it stops. The fuck?" -- coworker

sent from my notsosmartphone

In the words of Si Robertson: "A-S-S-A-Please"


Duck Dynasty makes me almost pee myself every time I watch it..

"Id rather be robbed than look like a weirdo hahahah"

Someone I have on Facebook on the topic of wearing rucksacks on one's front.

"I would like to know what other woman has a soldering iron on her dining table!" - my mother

sent from my notsosmartphone of breakingthingsness

"I know you're having an affair. I don't blame you; I'm just going to kill you." - Fresh Prince of Bel Air

"At the end of the first Pikmin game, I went in against the final boss with a full population of Pikmin.

27 left that arena with me. They will live on in Pikmin Valhalla for eternity."

Internet Comment

"Man, I can't wait to get six pounds of turkey inside me!"

"Do you often fantasize about having six pounds of meat inside you?"

People at work...

Currently listening to Wolfie argue with her dog.

And now I'm not sure if she is talking to me or the aforementioned dog.

"Drop the tacos now!"

- Someone over at my friends house.

"Hey, no lollygaggin'."

- my mother who's never seen a video of skyrim in the exact tone the guards use o.o

sent from my notsosmartphone of breakingthingsness

"What? ... Are you mocking me?"

"If I was mocking you I'd speak up."

People at work.

5 second long, very audible fart from the puppy:

"Niiiiice hangtime!" - My mother.

"Will that be all for today, sir?"

"... I'm a ma'am."

- People at work.

"Many hotdogs are within you." - Commercial